MY JOURNEY INTO SPIRITUALITY
I grew up catholic and I while I believe that it helped me through some difficult times in my early life, I found myself drifting further and further away from the church doctrines in my late 20’s. I believe I was spiritually depleted or lost for many years until I happened across Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle’s podcast named after his book “A New Earth”. I remember a profound statement that Eckhart made was along the lines of “You are not your thoughts, and if you are not your thoughts then who are you?” It was such a strange concept to me at the time, what do you mean I am not my thoughts? Of course I am! was my first reaction. After listening to more of the podcast, I started to realize, OMG, I am NOT my thoughts, I am the consciousness beyond and behind my thoughts. Now I realize this is a strange concept for people to understand if you haven’t heard it before, so I will try my best to break it down. We have learned about our ego in psychology, it is ours sense of self, we develop it between the ages of 2-4, it helped us understand that we are individuals and separate from the rest of the world. The ego further develops as we learn our likes and dislikes and it helps us with self-preservation. The ego is made of thought, things that we have learned along with way, i.e. I am tall, I am smart, I like the color blue etc… when painful things happen to us, the ego learns, don’t touch the hot stove, don’t provoke bees, you get the idea. The ego also creates a lot of suffering when we over-identify with it. This person yelled at me, that person hurt me, I am not enough, I am lazy, etc. What if those things weren’t true? What if they were just stories that you told yourself so much that you believed it to be the truth? One question to ask yourself would be, if you are your thoughts? then what are you in the pauses between your thoughts? Do you cease to exist in those moments? Of course not, so you must be more than your thoughts. What if you were the observer of your thoughts? What if your spirit, your core was eternal, expansive? What if you are consciousness experiencing life though a person named “fill in the blank?” This was quite a head trip for me, and it took me a long time to understand this concept but when I did, it was so freeing. When I am “Amy” I feel the pressure of society, expectations, obligations, disappointments, resentments, but when I am the person witnessing Amy, I am free I am happy and I am whole.
If this sparks something within you, I would encourage you to explore this some more. Here are some resources that I have found helpful early on this path.
Books: Eckhart Tolle-The Power of Now, Thich Nhat Hanh - Being Peace, Mindfulness , Ajahn Brahm- Bliss & Beyond
Audiobook: Ram Dass - Be Here Now, and Polishing the Mirror, Becoming Nobody.
Youtube Channels: Simply Always Awake by Angelo Dilulo
Podcasts: Tara Brach Podcast
